Note from the Editor (in a very apologetic tone): This is going to be a rather unusually lengthy post. I have severely crucial thoughts to share; if you would care to read on...
Several days ago, I decided that I had rather sufficiently played the role of "teacher" in the seminary lecture rooms, and it was time for me now to meet with my students as a fellow learner instead. Hence, I began sneaking into the student hostel and meeting with some of my fellow learners. Beyond listening to their moans and groans about their pressures derived from academic assignments, it was my venture to learn of their life stories, to understand the journey and pilgrimage of "the other". For everyone has a story to tell; even the silent.
To my utter horror, I realised that I was surrounded by a number of fellow learners who are wounded and broken, just like myself. Whilst the pain inflicted as a result of the wounds are felt in varying magnitudes, I felt their pain indeed. A wounded man never listens to the tale of his fellow sufferers unscathed. I agonised before the Lord with but one furious query: Why?! Why are all these wounded and broken people here to spend these years of their lives in preparation for a vocation in full-time Christian ministry? I have, in recent times, felt helpless at this reality. There have been moments when I felt that God had placed me at the starting point of a race track, broken my legs, and then yelled "Now, RUN!" Lord, why do you wound people so deeply, and then ask that they serve a purpose that is beyond them to fulfill in the light of such brokenness?
Today, I sat at the feet of a very wise man. A wise and broken man. And through him, God spoke back at me. He said when we choose a specific path in life and find God confronting us with our most devastating weaknesses and placing our greatest nemeses before us, we can know we are fulfilling the will of God for our lives. And as we trudge our way through this path, God summons us to reckon with these most wounded areas of our lives and beckons us, "DEAL WITH IT!"
For the many times that I thought myself to have been summoned into Christian ministry because of what I had to offer to the world, I was reminded again today that I was summoned into full-time Christian ministry for a humbling reason: God is working on me. Perhaps this is the heart of Christian ministry after all; that in watching how the Master Surgeon performs the surgery of the soul upon my life, and in watching me reckon with the reality of human pain, the world learns from the parable of this feeble life. Perhaps I have nothing to teach the world; only a story to tell.
Father...in a strong and powerful way, I have heard your voice today; not through the words of a hero, but through the words of a broken man, another fellow sufferer who has walked a longer journey than I have. At your words, a raging storm within me was abruptly calmed. I still cannot run, for I find myself yet trudging through this path set before me. But I see a glimpse of hope, for I know I stand within the will of my God. As a broken man, I may find myself despised by the world; but let your favour not pass me by. For you are my light; you are my hope; you are my salvation.
P.S. Had a sumptuous dinner (by my standards!) and a very heart-warming conversation with fellow bloggers - Doulos (who has been a very great friend and brother) and Irene (whose blog I have been reading but whom I have only met for the first time today, and whom I know will be a great friend in time to come).
Change is the essence of time. And the present is the dividing line between your past and your future. In looking back, you see a story. In looking ahead, you witness possibilities.
