The contents of this post is a reply to Irene's letter: Becoming Friendship-Focused

Dear Irene,

Thanks for responding to this invitation for an open correspondence! Whilst it may seem rather awkward for us to be corresponding in the open instead of discussing such issues over lunch, I thought it might be beneficial for us to invite our friends to eavesdrop on our conversation. This is so for several reasons. Firstly, you truly have the guts to ask some very real and honest questions that I know many people are asking. Secondly, you have a keen capacity to constructively engage these issues in a way that people understand. Thirdly, you are a friend.

Perhaps for the benefit of our friends, it may be in order for us to clarify that our intention in this correspondence isn't so much to keep on dwelling on what is wrong with "church" today. We hope - in this conversation - to work towards some solutions pertaining to how we may practically recover the dimension of friendship in the Christian faith and journey. However, in attempting to emerge with such possibilities, we do have to identify what is wrong with church today. But not in a derogatory spirit.

Also, it is important for us to understand that the endeavour to find solutions isn't a short-term exercise. Quick-fix solutions, as we know, are never the way to go (it rhymes!) Hence, let's see this as a journey towards an incremental discovery of solutions rather than a prescriptive exercise in itself, if you know what I mean.

I suppose one of the things that has disturbed me in recent years is the way church programmes are perceived. They seem to be instituted in order to sustain the church organisation itself. Instead of the programmes serving people, people are now made to serve the programmes. Just today, a friend of mine was sick and called up his pastor to inform him that he might not be able to attend to his ministry responsibilities this weekend. You know what the pastor said? He asked my friend if he could perhaps try to get well in time to return to church to fulfill his responsibilities!

I would like to suggest a renewed paradigm of ministry for the church. We are first and foremost a company of friends who are brought together by virtue of our being friends of God. We are called to come together to learn to walk in love and friendship in this community. To share life together with one another. Instead of externalising our communal life into rigidly structured programmes, we are actually supposed to be the programme for one another.

Now, as we share life together and allow ourselves to be the programme for one another (by allowing our friendships to transform each individual in the community), something will inevitably grow out of the community: a sense of purpose. When this sense of purpose is expressed in concrete action as a part of who we are as a community of friends, this is called ministry. See the difference between this and the conventional paradigm of ministry as something that is imposed upon the people and simply revolves around rostered duties?

But it is important that we engage in friendships not for the purpose of ministry. We engage in friendships because it is reflective of who God is. The eventual expression that grows from sharing life together is merely an inevitable.

Of course, I have not quite provided a concrete answer to your concern as yet. But perhaps you might like to think through these preliminary thoughts and respond first before we proceed with this discussion.

To friendship!
Sherman