The contents of this post is a reply to Irene's letter:
Friendship Keeps No Record of Favours

Dear Irene,

Hey hey! T'was a great time at my church camp huh? The midnight hangouts and the waiting for almost an hour for your half boiled eggs to be be served and all. It's honestly been a long long while since I've attended a church camp simply as a participant. It's kinda refreshing to be given the space to be "like everyone else". Told you my church is a great church to be in. But so is yours... well, I must say this because your pastor reads my blog. *wink* Hahaha... knowing him, he'd be perfectly glad for you no matter which community you assimilated into. It's hard to meet someone as spiritually generous as him these days. Okay, if I say more nice stuff about him, he's going to start feeling like he owes me another lunch, so let's get back to the issue of our discussion.

I like this issue that you've recently brought up in your last letter. It's true that we often, as "civilised" Chinese people, practise the virtue of returning favours because we shouldn't remain in a state of "indebtedness" towards one another. There's almost something psychological about it (and perhaps sometimes almost to the point of being psychotic too, hahah).

The good thing about this practice is that it recognises the virtue of giving. But the very bad thing about this practice is that it ignores all together the virtue of receiving. Certainly, we're told in scripture that it's more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35) - oh look, Sherman has just quoted the bible! *naughty grin* But in a culture like ours wherein people value their self-worth and the presumptuous dignity of self-sufficiency, perhaps receiving should also be upheld as a virtue.

Giving, besides being a virtuous act of love, affirms one's functional worth and one's charitable sensibilities. But bringing one's self to receive from others is another challenge all together. It demands humility, for the one who receives is placed in the weaker position of need. He isn't exalted as a hero, because everyone's eyes are usually on the giver. It can therefore be utterly difficult for us to truly open our hearts to receive; because it threatens our sense of worth and adequacy.

I usually find myself having to reckon with this issue when I'm placed in a position or context of privilege (and I am usually placed in such positions). For example, within the context of the seminary wherein I teach, it's easy for me to see myself as the "giver" (and a very cheerful one at that). But I've had to examine much of my preconceived notions about giving and receiving. And I've realised that each "weaker person" within that community may not be able to offer me what I have to give them, but every one of them has something unique to offer.

And I've actually had to open my heart to learn to receive some very precious gifts from them, you know. It almost feels "wrong" at times because these gifts seem to be more taxing on the financial resources of these students than they would have taxed me. But they so treasure our friendship that they don't think too much about offering something of value. And then there are those other things that are of intangible value, for example, long shoulder massages when I'm looking tired and worn out!

And one final thing I don't want to miss pointing out is that by far, the most precious gift I've ever received from a friend is the sharing of his/her life story. You and I have been through this throughout our friendship, so you know what I mean. But when someone is willing to tell you his/her life story, the name of this gift being offered to you is "vulnerability". So some of the greatest gifts that I've received are simple life stories of simple friends who exist in a complex world. I've yet to come across one life story that hasn't impacted my own existence in any way.

Hence, in as much as we'd like to be givers, perhaps it's time for us to also cultivate the virtue of receiving in our friendships. Jesus received.

To friendship!
Sherman