The gift of relationships is also a discipline of balance.

If we clench our fists too tightly to sustain a relationship, we inevitably kill it. We suffocate the life and vitality out of the relationship. We find people having to distance themselves from us just so they can survive mentally and emotionally. Eventually, the inclination to control and manipulate creeps in unbeknownst to us. The impulse to hold relationships in this manner speaks of an insecurity and an intense emptiness within ourselves. To cling on to such a relationship is unhealthy because "the other" is no longer an "other." "The other" now exists primarily to fulfill our deepest longings. Even in our giving, we seek to receive.

If we hold the relationship too loosely, it invariably slips into an exercise of convenience. We tend to offer of ourselves when we do not ourselves require that which we have. In essence, we end up offering nothing except amusement to another person who also uses us for the very same purpose. A wise Lebonese prophet once remarked, " For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill? Seek him always with hours to live. For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness."

We clench our fists too tightly, we kill it. We hold it too loosely, we discard it. Relationships are there as mirrors for our self-examination. They make us keep check of our deepest motivations and our secret longings. Healthy relationships reflect a centred soul.