Do you often meet people who seem to be interested in nothing more than small talk? They seem genuinely interested to be in touch with you, but the relationship often revolves around small talk. And even when you try to steer the conversation into something “deeper” by trying to talk about matters that matter, your efforts are flippantly ignored or pushed aside, and the small talk continues.

I sometimes meet people who seem addicted to small talk. I have nothing against small talk, especially when it’s just a matter of chilling and “wasting time” with one another, just by way of bringing the ministry of presence to one another. But I’m talking about people who seem to have a different idea of a “safe relationship”. On the one hand, they so desire to hang out with you and to be in connection with you; but on the other hand, there is something in them that they desire to protect by going only as deep as small talk. And whenever you try to fuel the conversation with something deeper, a subtle but unmistakable refusal to follow suit is immediately observable.

They dictate the direction of your conversations. They specify what should be spoken about and what shouldn’t. To them, you’re just an “object” of conversation, like a live talking machine that exists to entertain them by way of conversation whenever they need to be amused about nothing. To them, you're immaterial. Their whole lives are like a coffee table, and their conversations a way of escape from the deep realities that haunt them most.

It seems that some such people desire contact in friendship, but are jealously protective of areas of their lives that they don’t desire to open up for examination by others. But strangely, it’s precisely such people who’re often critical of other people when they do their small talk with you. They’ll comment critically about almost anyone, including you. They’re open to talk about anything, including things about themselves that they find amusing. Just don’t say something serious about them, because it threatens their sense of safety in the conversation.

Whilst having no particular aversion towards the idea of small talk itself, I do take particular offence towards conversations that rest almost solely on small talk alone. It is a waste of eternity when it’s done with no present eternal motivations.

Having said that, I do enjoy small talk with friends who can talk about both the small and the deep issues in their life journey. But I don't enjoy it with people who insist that our conversations rest only on small talk and who seem to hold "small talk" as a requisite for our friendship. They're going nowhere slowly, and they want your company.