Dear Malaysia,

I've often wondered how I should perceive you. You've often been spoken of as if you were an entity in yourself. I've tried hard to give shape to this entity in my mind, and to my utter dismay, I can't help but attribute a specific culture, colour and worldview to this entity. It brings dismay because this specific culture, colour and worldview blatantly excludes me.

You have taught me much. You have taught me that being excluded is no excuse for being defeated. This lesson was reinforced over and over again by those who raised me. I have learned, through the environment you've so freely provided, that the lack of privileges (which were freely accorded to some of my other friends) shouldn't lead to a fateful resignation in my life. You've taught me to strive and to fight not for my rights, but rather, despite the absence of rights. I've emerged stronger and become a better person than those who've grown up feeding on servings of rights laid on brass tables.

I've been yonder and have tasted the affluence of the land there offered to those who might have worked hard for it; even to the foreign people among them. Of course, I never truly felt that I belonged there, but I do wonder if I might have perhaps gradually become "one of them" had I stayed on. And I could have stayed on.

But I returned. I have returned to you not because I think I owe you anything, but because I have relational attachments to some people here. I have returned also because my conscience dictates the need for me to identify with the struggle of the several millions here who, like me, feel excluded.

I won't teach them to fight. But I'll teach them the virtue of striving despite an absence of rights. And I'll keep re-telling the stories that I've been told by generations past for as long as the stories remain true to my experience and the experience of my friends. I'll teach them how to survive and triumph in an environment that ignores our existence.

You have trained me well, and for this, I thank you. I will survive, and I will teach others to survive... others who, like me, have lived and will continue to live with a longing to be true children of the nation.

Dear Malaysia, happy birthday.

Keranamu Malaysia,
Faithful Citizen