It's not difficult to believe cerebrally in the sovereignty of God when it costs nothing to profess that belief. It's when we are required to act upon that sovereignty - sometimes through what may seem like a passive absence of self-defence - that our deepest belief of that virtue we claim to profess is most tested.

It is when we're most confronted by our total inability to sustain ourselves and a trust in God himself becomes almost our sole means of subsistence that we can truly say, "My God, my sovereign Lord". Further to that, there's no telling how God delivers the one who trusts in him. Sometimes I tend to suspect that death can be a form of deliverance (with the exclusion of self-infliction, of course).

To believe in the sovereignty of God is most difficult if we do not believe in our total inability. Even when we are able, it's because the sovereignty of God enables us. Without a God so sovereign, his love means nothing. For a God whose love is worth depending on must be a God who possesses the capacity to also love sovereignly and express his love sovereignly.

Lord, I want to believe.