Over the past couple of years, one very important lesson I've learned is that some people, because of the extent of their brokenness, have no capacity to live in community. They are dangerous to be with because they threaten to compromise your dignity and value, and at times, actually do.

Some such people actually do realise their inclinations to do such things towards those who co-exist among them, but are powerless to stop themselves from doing so. There is such a need to prove themselves right, show themselves more righteous than anyone else, and establish their dominance over others (at times even over those in higher authority than themselves).

At moments when they find themselves having to give in to others, they find themselves drowning in an array of emotional non-acceptance. To prevent themselves from drowning, they have to once again establish themselves to be the ones in control of the situation, and of life in general. So they begin asserting control by punishing those others around them.

There is only one way to approach people like that - stay clear. Staying clear of them is the only way, not because they are bad people by nature (just broken), but because they will never be able to rid themselves of that need for control and the consequent tendency to abuse those who do not play the game by their self-established rules. Profound denial of the problem is endemic to their condition. Therefore, the rules of the game just tend to keep changing as is convenient to themselves, so others could never keep up if they tried. Standards that such people apply to others are not applied to themselves.

It is God's divine design that we all exist in solidarity with the ontological nature of the Holy Trinity. But in our state of sin, many are not able to survive emotionally in a life with community. And others, for the sake of their own survival, have to also stay clear of this one who perceives himself as "victim".

There are more such people around us than we think. It pays to be cautious and to not rush into any form of alliances with people who appear over-friendly or over-zealous about their relationships with you. One needs to be as shrewd as a serpent in order to have the developed skill of looking through pretenses and knowing when to stay clear.

This entry isn't about hostility. It is about basic wisdom.