A thought that occurred in my mind over a conversation with a couple of friends about the spiritual life:

What breaks your heart reflects what captures it.

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Crossing over - into anything - is a hard decision to make. As you walk into a new life, a new sphere, a new unknown, you leave behind the wealth of the past together with all the familiarity and the control you have over it.

The question is, will you do it?

Even if you knew for a fact that crossing over would leave you in a state of utter nothingness, would you do it? If there was nothing to be got from crossing over, and all you could take along with you into the new unknown was a conscience and a conviction, would you do it?

To leave behind the beauty of recognition, fame, admiration - or maybe just acceptance - in search of a newly discovered something that may leave you with nothing except that something on which to cling - would you do it?

Walking into the dark with no sight of the future, embracing everything that is unknown and alien to you… does that not sound like the paschal mystery spoken of in your faith? So much for talking about it; now is the challenge to live it out.

But if you're afraid of trouble, don't do it!

Some people prefer to just linger by the wayside, waiting for you to give accounts of your adventures through the darkness. They enjoy listening to those stories - even being challenged by those stories - but would never walk a mile with you through those adventures. No siree... the stories alone are enough to keep their adrenalines pumping.

Really, you have got to be foolish enough to cross over. You have to choose to either be wise enough to withhold such a foolish decision, or to be foolish enough to follow the voice of the wise Spirit and cross over.

You’re invited all the same. It’s just a matter of whether you’re foolish enough to follow.

Coming?

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A conversation between me and a friend [with some parts paraphrased].

Friend:   How was 2007 for you?

Me:   Both 2006 and 2007 have been two of the worst years of my life.

Friend:   Hopefully this year will be better.

Me:   I really hope so too... what about you?

Friend:   It was all right. No super ups, no super downs.

Me:   Your life is quite stable in that sense.

Friend:   I guess so. I don't really like that. I want to do something great. Change the world. Change Malaysia. It feels like I've not done anything significant.

Me:   I can't say I've done great things either.

Friend:   I think you've caused ripples in Malaysia, certainly.

Me:   Strangely, I don't see it.

Friend:   At the very least, you're standing up for your beliefs in this very hard world.

Me:   [Friend's name], sometimes I'd like to think / imagine that I've done great things and very effective things to change the world. But it takes very little to convince me that actually I haven't done anything at all, or that I've done more harm than good.

Friend:   Yeah, I know what you mean. And the treatment you get from some people... We all want to do something great, but doing something great in this world will not yield any great fruit because they don't like the idea of change.

Me:   Yeah, you're a psychologist, you should know.

Friend:   The status quo is crap

Me:   Do u really feel very strongly about this?

Friend:   Yeah. I'm idealistic.

Me:   To what extent are u willing to go to change the world?

Friend:   I would like to devote my career to doing it.

Me:   When it becomes a career, you won't be creating change. Because it'll be too risky... the price is too high. It's when you're willing to sacrifice your career that change is created.

Friend:   You know what my idea was? I was thinking that I can write books and change the world.

Me:   Books don't change the world, [friend's name]. They can contribute a little to the answer, but they don't affect change. They just communicate concepts which few people attempt to translate into concrete action. Besides, most of the world is illiterate.

Friend:   Then what should I do? I mean, we're coming up against institutions and systems. It's a difficult battle. Changing the world is a lost cause, if you think about it. Many people are satisfied just having a good career, a good family. I dunno, changing the world is not easy at all.

Me:   I guess people like me don't try to "change the world". For me, it's simply about doing what is right.

Friend:   I thought you wanted to change the world too.

Me:   I'm dissatisfied with the state of the world, but it's not my ambition to change the world. It's my ambition to be the right person and to do the right thing... to change me. But in the process of being someone different, of changing myself, it rocks the status quo of the world.

Friend:   Maybe that's the way to change the world, by changing ourselves first.

Me:   Ghandi said, "Be the change that you seek".

Friend:   Wow, good words!

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An excerpt from a correspondence with my spiritual guide on 06 November 2007

The Concern:

Whilst I'm thankful that I'm not alone as I walk this journey, it's still excruciating. I understand that I most need to learn to walk in trust and obedience towards God. I only pray that he will give me strength to stand up and keep walking despite the terrible sense of humiliation I'm feeling now.

The Response:

Sherman, you have said rightly what is perhaps the only appropriate response at this time: continue to walk in trust and obedience. The path is dark for now, but it won't be forever. The Lord may yet have other surprises for you, although what they might be cannot be clearly discerned.

Focus on "the duty of the present moment".

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A reflection on conversations with my spiritual guide on 21 July 2007

1. On Theology and Social Science
Theology needs to take the task of anthropological studies (and other social-scientific disciplines) more seriously than it has up until now. Whilst it is true that people have not entirely done justice to theological methodology, theologians and biblical scholars have often been guilty of the same wrongdoing.

For example, many theologians have assumed that they could write historical treatises without taking seriously the methodology that had been set out by the historians. Theologians should not try to assume the role of historians; instead, the former should ride on the work of the latter in order that their theological constructions be strengthened and well-aided by the latter.

Much of theology has failed to reflect the implicit theologies of the grassroots Christians. This is because the theologians have not taken seriously the work of religious anthropologists who seek to understand what people truly believe and what these theologies at work might look like. Yet, it is in taking seriously the findings and assessments of this anthropological exercise that our theological articulations would better reflect the theologies of the people at work.

Our understanding of theological methodology must be dynamic. We need to find an openness in our theological paradigm for methodologies rather than a singular methodology. To many theologians, constructing a contextual theology means using already established frameworks to critique observed societal realities. Whilst this may not in and of itself be wrong per se, it does not constitute a contribution to the theological exercise. Such a form of contextual theology is not truly contextual as it claims to be, for it ignores the local cultural wisdom and the propensity of any one culture for its own authentic theological methodology and construction.

2. On the Ministerial Vocation
In seeking direction for one’s ministerial vocation, one’s preoccupation should not be fixated upon the ecclesiastical hierarchy itself. If being a part of the ecclesiastical hierarchy is necessary for one’s ministerial effectiveness, one should be willing to embrace this “call”. But if not, one’s primary consideration should rest on how one may most effectively contribute to the betterment of the wider church in the longer run, even if this is bound to take place to the detriment of one’s own “career development”.

It is necessary that one remains focused in one’s undertakings. There are many things in the ministerial vocation that threaten to pull our attention in different directions. One must be sure of what one is called to fulfil in this ministerial journey. One’s energies must always be focused on undertakings that truly matter.

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A reflection on conversations with my spiritual guide on 30 June 2007

1. On the Rule of Life
A community of people sharing life together in commitment to the Kingdom should not be too impetuous in setting out its rule of life. The focus of the community should rest on its concrete sharing of life together on a daily basis.

From this daily sharing of life will eventually emerge a pattern, a settledness, a stability with which the community exists and regulates itself. The collation of words that we gradually find to describe this daily pattern of stability is that which we call the rule of life.

The rule of life cannot be externally imposed upon anyone who is not yet ready to accept it. Any new visitor spends a considerable season of time with the community as an observer and a learner. When the visitor finds himself attracted to the rule of life, it is for him to express a desire for a voluntary embrace of the community’s rule of life. Otherwise, the community continues to exist as a parable of the Kingdom for the visitor.

Upon the embrace of the community’s rule of life, the visitor becomes a brother. His life story becomes woven into the story of the community, integrating itself into the community’s being a parable.

2. On Speaking for the People of Asia
That which we know as Asian Theologies today has implicitly elitist undertones. They are written by people who have constructed theologies for the masses of Asia without first having consulted the masses. In thinking that they somehow know better, such theologies is written with the presupposition that they accurately reflect the struggle of the Asian peoples. No consent was sought from the masses to validate the written theology. In claiming their theologies to be liberating, they may have further marginalised those whom they sought to liberate.

A theology that is truly Asian would seek validation and legitimisation from the people it speaks about. Such a theology would take on a consultative tone and hopes to understand theologies that already form a part of the way the masses understand their world, and seeks to find the appropriate words to describe the experiences of the masses in as accurate a way as possible.

We need a new Asian theological method.

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A reflection on conversations with my spiritual guides on 29 January 2007

Money.

Wealth is the main considerable challenge in our efforts to live out the life of the Kingdom. The human inclination towards possessiveness of our wealth and the fear of insufficiency are the things that provoke our deepest insecurities when we think we may be sacrificing a greater proportion than others are sacrificing in our community.

The Kingdom life can never take place in an absence of community, because the nature of God can be truly represented only within the dimension of community life. Any individualistic claims for a solely personal faith in God is at best a convincing counterfeit of authentic Christianity.

And yet, living in community challenges our deepest values which would have otherwise remained unconfronted if we had settled for a non-kingdomic life. It is relatively easy for a Christian to live a religious life which is centred around the church institution; how Christian we truly are in the deepest core of our being is tested only when we subject ourselves to community life beyond the church institution.

When we find ourselves giving to others who seem to have very little to offer in return, and such giving has to be sustained in the long run, that's when our true selves are revealed. It's easy to say "I trust in God" or "God is my Provider" when everything I have belongs to me. But when everything I have becomes vulnerably subject to the needs of the community, faith in God's providence is truly tested.

"It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven". Because in heaven, no one claims anything to be his own possession - everything is shared in harmony and everyone lives for the happiness of the other. I'm not sure a rich man would even want to find himself there.

God or mammon - we can only serve one and hate the other.

Wealth and the Kingdom - to possess one, you must disown the other.

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A reflection on conversations with my spiritual guides on 09 October 2006

1. On the Hyprocrisy of Fundamentalism
There is still a certain segment of Christianity which stubbornly abides with the fundamental expressions of the faith. They are fundamental in the sense that scripture is understood and applied in a most narrow sense, and most often in an unjustified self-righteous way which condemns others.

These people are bent on judging others not according to the standards of scripture, but rather, the standards they have set themselves which they thought they had derived from scripture. The mechanism of self-critique is absent in their worldview, and so they are unable to see what is wrong with themselves. In fact, even the desire to see what is wrong with themselves is missing all together. Thus, they go on to judge others vindictively without the slightest acknowledgement that their sin of pharisaism is no better off than the sins of others they claim to judge.

They are blind. They will keep saying what they will say, and they will keep acting in a manner consistent with their unmovingly narrow worldview (which is less Christian than they care to know). We can't stop them, even where they seek to discredit our ministry and our reputation. But do not fret, for God is our sovereign defender. Those who believe in us will keep trusting us despite how such people seek to destroy us.

2. On the Goal of the Christian Life
The Protestant gospel often speaks of the Christian life in terms of the penal theory of atonement. A God hungry for justice demands payment for sins committed. This view is narrow and causes our understanding of salvation to be deficient.

We ought to see the goal of the Christian life in the context of theosis or deification. God became human in order that humanity might be divinised. We are called to participate in the deified humanity of Jesus Christ. It is only in our participation with the divine that we become truly human. This does not imply that we are being dehumanised and morphed into little gods. It merely implies that in being connected to the divine, we are truly being the kind of human persons God has intended for us to be.

This highlights the Protestant inclination to see the Christian life as comprising of a static faith placed in a Christ crucified and resurrected just so we can get to heaven.

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A reflection on conversations with my spiritual guides on 11 September 2006

1. On Educating Those Who Harm Us
Whilst we seek to forgive those who have done us griveous harm and to not hold it against them thereafter, we should also seek to educate and teach them to never repeat their acts. This is a virtue of justice and responsibility we should impose upon ourselves for the wellbeing of the wider society.

It is a human inclination to execute parting shots at those who have harmed us and to exist apart from them in order to safeguard one's own wellbeing. But the imperatives of justice and love prescribe that we must do what is within our capabilities to assist those who have harmed us in the alteration of their behaviour pattern.

2. On the Fragmentation of Protestant Spirituality
The Protestant Church at this point of time exists in a very divided state. A particular point of division exists between those of the liturgical traditions and those of the Pentecostal-Charismatic traditions. The solution for this seeming fragmentary impasse in the Church is the recovery of sacramental theology.

Liturgical traditions seek to invoke the response of the worshipper through the use of visible realities which engage the senses. Pentecostal-charismatic traditions seek to preserve the existential experience of the worshipper in a Spirit-led life. Sacramental theology helps these two streams to find a point of common agreement: that spiritual realities can be represented by visible realities. In Christ and through the Holy Spirit, God's presence abides with his people; and this enlivening presence can be uncovered in visible rituals and symbols in Christian worship.

Liturgical Theology:
The Church as Worshipping Community

For further and deeper understanding of this topic, this book was given my spiritual guide throughout our conversation. It is newly published and hasn't yet hit the bookstores in Singapore and Malaysia! The following is a synopsis of the book:

"Bad worship produces bad theology, and bad theology produces an unhealthy church."

Chan's proposal advances the conversation among evangelicals regarding the relationship between theology and worship. In contrast to some theologians who have tended to emphasize a sociological analysis, Chan argues that we need to consider what is essential to the church's theological identity. Drawing on the larger Christian tradition, Chan argues that we discover that identity primarily in the structure and significance of Christian worship.

Here is an "interview" between Zach Kincaid and Simon Chan regarding some points discussed in the book: READ.

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In the recent several years of my journey in life, faith, and ministry, I have had a friend or two whom I truly admired and honoured because of the depth of their wisdom and the embodiment of their theology in their lives. They are, in every sense, highly acclaimed, deeply respected, and unreservedly honoured people. To say that they're world acclaimed in respectability wouldn't constitute an overstatement; and here's the thing - they don't care about that. This is, in the first place, why they would even bother to spend hours upon end just wasting time with me and deepening our friendship.

I call them my spiritual guides. One has deeply impacted my understanding of human brokenness and God's redemptive grace. Another has profoundly shaped my understanding of the necessity of theology and faith that arises from community.

They do not see me functionally. They see me as a person. They have no axe to grind. In fact, they even take no pride in having anyone know that they are moulding me in very profound ways. And in honour of their silent self-giving, I too have never publicised their profiles just so I could avoid the very human inclination to ride on their reputations. I know I could, but I choose to honour them in the measure that they've so unreservedly and undeservedly honoured me. And so, I simply call them my spiritual guides.

They are guides in the sense that in their presence, I lay aside opinions that I may have regarding issues of life and faith. I trust the motivations of the directions they lay before me even if these directions may not always be perfect. I never discount anything they say as unnecessary or irrelevant. In their presence, utmost attentiveness is in order. In a very real way, I entrust my life into their hands. I know this, for many, may be an unbelievable impossibility in a world that upholds the right of one's personal opinions and individuality. I know such individualistic rights are often factored in when it comes to modern renditions of mentoring relationships (which is why I don't believe in the present "mentoring movement"). I submit myself to the seriousness of every word spoken by my spiritual guides.

I have started this new category to record reflections and afterthoughts from my regular and lengthy exchanges with my spiritual guides. I call it Conversations. The purpose of recording significant points from my conversations with them is that I may remember the stories I'm told and the wisdom that's imparted to me. Also, I do it with the hope that I may perhaps share their wisdom with you who read this blog. To this end, I will therefore publish some reflections of my conversations with my spiritual guides after every conversation with them.

These conversations have made me who I am today, and I trust that you'll benefit from them too, even if you may not have the slightest idea of who these beautiful people are.

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