For various reasons, it's often hard not to jointly categorise Malaysia with humour, one of the reasons being the capacity of some Malaysian politicians to remain unembarassed and unfazed in the light of negative publicity. Here's one instance of it, when Najib makes a visit to the Mansion House, the Official Residence of the City of London’s Mayor:

Yep, Bersih 2.0 is far from over. A peaceful demonstration awaited the YAB before his arrival. And yes, peaceful demonstrations are all right there; no canisters and no water spray.

What?? Even the police truck has a yellow strip? You've got to be kidding!

These blokes are from what we call the Ranting Istimewa (Special Branch). Their jobs are to make trouble for those who come up against corruption and those who uphold religious freedom and human rights. So they're here to take pictures of the protestors so they can return and torture their family members in the Kamunting detention centre. Nah, I'm just kidding... or am I?

Yes, that's true. In case the rest of the world didn't already know that.

A relatively intelligent looking Christmas tree, wouldn't you say?

Yep, there's that clever looking Christmas tree again.

There's yellow colour on the Malaysian flag... oh my...

Here he comes, all ready for a warm and hospitable welcome. An entire contigent across the road are already waiting to show just how proud they are of their Prime Minister.

He alights the car, dressed in a nice suit which I could never afford, but very likely purchased with the taxes my family is paying.

The news says he's so proud that his fellow Malaysian citizens are there to warmly welcome him to London, he actually gives them a friendly wave. It's no time to be feeling embarassed about anything at this moment. Her majesty, the Queen of England, awaiteth...

...in bright yellow.

PM, you make your people proud! Proud that they've stood up against injustice.

Until then, yellow, yellow, dirty fellow...

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Some are tigers. Some others just think they are tigers, like this one here. He roars.

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While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, a minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.

Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:

Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.

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One night I had a wondrous dream.
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of my precious Lord.
But mine were not along the shore.

But then some stranger prints appeared.
And I asked the Lord, “What have we here?
Those prints are large and round and neat
But Lord, they are too big for feet.”

“My child”, He said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith.
But you refused and made me wait."

“You disobeyed, you would not grow.
The walk of faith you would not know.
So I got tired and got fed up.
And there I dropped you on your butt."

“Because in life there comes a time
When one must fight and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their buttprints in the sand.”

Author unknown.

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Watch this amazing little child guitarist - and see what happens at the end!

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I saw the following sign outside a public toilet at a foodcourt in Melaka:

And oh yes, a Belated Merry Christmas to All!

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CHANGING A LIGHT BULB THE CHRISTIAN WAY
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only 1
Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal: 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None
Candles only.

Eastern Orthodox: 1
As long as it's done the accurate way, and you stand facing the right direction while doing it. And once you're done, remember to kiss the light bulb before you leave.

Baptists: At least 15
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians / Anglicans: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians :
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene: 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None
Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish:
What's a light bulb?

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Ah Beng bought a new mobile.He sent a message to everyone from his phone book and said, "My mobile number has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610".
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AH BENG: I am proud, cos my son is in medical college.
FRIEND: Really, what is he studying?
AH BENG: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.
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AH BENG: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DOCTOR: Take this tablet, you will be okay.
AH BENG: Can I take it tomorrow? Tonight is the final game.
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AH BENG: If I die, will u remarry?
WIFE: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
AH BENG: No, I'll also stay with your sister.
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AH BENG: People consider me a "GOD".
WIFE: How do you know??
AH BENG: When I went to the park today, everybody said, "Oh GOD! You have come again!"
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Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house".
POLICE: How is it that the thief did not take the TV?
AH BENG: I was watching TV news.
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Ah Beng comes back to his car and finds a note saying "Parking Fine".
He writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for compliment".
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How do you recognise Ah Beng in school?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
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Once Ah Beng was walking with a glove on one hand and not on other. So a man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
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Ah Beng is in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"
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AH BENG: Why are all these people running?
MAN: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
AH BENG: If only the winner will get the cup, why are the others running?
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TEACHER: "I killed a person" - convert this sentence into future tense.
AH BENG: The future tense is "You will go to jail".
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Ah Beng told his servant, "Go and water the plants!" The servant replied, "It's already raining". Ah Beng said, "So what? Take an umbrella and go".
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A man asked Ah Beng why Abdullah Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the evening and not in the morning. Ah Beng replied, "Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM".

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These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!
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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh.... I was getting laid!
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

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I'm preparing for a course that I'll be teaching on the major Christian traditions in just over a month's time. As I was reading some stuff online, I came across this joke which made me chuckle somewhat.

A man is walking across a bridge, when he sees another guy about to jump off.

"Hey, man" he says, "you don't have to do that."

"Why not?" the other guy says, "I've got nothing to live for. I lost my job, I'm bankrupt, my wife left me and took the kids, my car threw a rod, and my dog just died. My life totally sucks."

"But God still loves you," the man says, "you believe in God, don't you?"

"Well, I guess so," the guy says.

"Tell me, are you a Christian?"

"Yes" the guy answers.

"Well, so am I!" the man says. "Catholic or Protestant?"

"I'm Protestant"

"Well, so am I!" "Methodist, or Baptist, or Presbyterian?"

"I'm Baptist."

Well, so am I!" "Northern or Southern Baptist?"

"Northern Baptist."

"Well so am I!" "Northern fundamentalist, liberal, or reformed?"

"Northern fundamentalist."

"Well, so am I!" "Northern fundamentalist eastern region, or Great Lakes region?"

"Northern fundamentalist, eastern region."

"Well, so am I!" "Northern fundamentalist, eastern region conference of 1898, or conference of 1912?"

"Northern fundamentalist, eastern region, conference of 1912."

"Die, heretic!" the man says, and pushes him off the bridge.

It's amazing how little it takes to divide us.

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This is literally the first time a mention of Wayne Grudem makes me smile.

[ HT to David Bish ]

Why this man is thematic, he’s charismatic, he’s systematic,
Why he’s Wayne Grudem! (Wayne Grudem)
He did not author Scripture but provides a clearer picture - Oh Yeah!
(Keep reading whoa keep reading)
Wayne may not be Jesus but he writes mean exegesis - Oh Yeah!
(I’ll buy a copy, I’ll kill to buy a copy)
You put it on the floor and it props open your door,
Or if you need to sit- you can climb on top of it - With Wayne Grudem
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go
Go Wayne Grudem with your intellectual writing style,
(Wayne Grudem go Wayne Grudem)
Go Wayne Grudem you make hard doctrines less of a trial
(Wayne Grudem go Wayne Grudem)
You are extreme, but God’s supreme, oh Wayne Grudem
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go
(There are) many heresies which we now clearly see - Oh yeah!
(oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Despite him being bald, hundred-thousand copies sold - Oh yeah!
(oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
His six appendices leave you praying on your knees.
Although he’s not inerrant he’s a heresy deterrent - Wayne Grudem
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go
Go Wayne Grudem with your intellectual writing style,
(Wayne Grudem go Wayne Grudem)
Go Wayne Grudem you make hard doctrines less of a trial
(Wayne Grudem go Wayne Grudem)
You are extreme, but God’s supreme, oh Wayne Grudem
Go Wayne Grudem with your intellectual writing style,
(Wayne Grudem go Wayne Grudem)
Go Wayne Grudem you make hard doctrines less of a trial
(Wayne Grudem go Wayne Grudem)
You are extreme, but God’s supreme, oh Wayne Grudem
Grudem, grudem, grudem, grudem
Grudem, grudem, grudem, grudem yeah!

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Some humour is too good to be dismissed. Check this one out:

While walking down the street one day a Malaysian Boleh Minister is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem.

We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven.

Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I have made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Yang Berhormat

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules," says St Peter. And with that, St Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.

In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and dressed in the finest batik there is.

They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then indulge themselves on lobsters, caviar and the most expensive food there is.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it' s time to visit heaven." So, 24 hours pass with the Yang Berhormat joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing.

They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and StPeter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Yang Berhormat reflects for a minute, then he answers:

"Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I am better off in hell."

So St Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the Yang Berhormat.

"Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time.

Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says,

"Yesterday we were campaigning."

"Today you voted."

Editor's Note: What?? It's a joke lah!

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days!

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 pm - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 pm. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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I spoke at a Methodist Church yesterday, and this was how I was introduced by the local pastor to the congregation:

"Our preacher today is a very young man. He has kindly consented to speak at our service this morning. He has been teaching us a course on Authentic Spirituality in the past several weeks. We find his teaching... err... weird.

Let's welcome Mr Sherman Kuek!"

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MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER
Interviewer: "What is your birth date?"
Muthu: "13th October."
Interviewer: "Which year?"
Muthu: "Every year."

MUTHU & HIS MANAGER
The Manager asked Muthu at an interview:
"Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?"
Muthu replied: "P-O-S-T-B-O-X."

MUTHU & LONDON TRIP
After returning from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife,
"Do I look like a foreigner?"
Wife: "No! Why?"
Muthu : "In London, a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?'... that's why."

MUTHU & TOURIST
A tourist from the U.S.A. asked Muthu whether any great man was born in his village.
Muthu said, "No sir, only babies were born here."

MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT
Muthu was doing an experiment with a cockroach. First he cut off one leg and told it to "WALK! WALK!" The cockroach walked. Then he cut off it's second leg and told the same. The cockroach walked. Then he cut off the third leg and did the same. Finally, he cut off its fourth leg and ordered it walk! But the cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly, Muthu said loudly, "I found it. If we cut a cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf."

MUTHU & DRIVER
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, the driver adjusted the mirror. Muthu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife, eh? Sit in the back. I will drive."

MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL
Muthu went into a hotel. To wash his hands, he went to the washbasin. Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Muthu pointed towards the signboard: "WASH BASIN".

MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART
Interviewer: "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?"
Muthu: "It's simple. I will just stop my imagination."

MUTHU AT A POLITICAL RALLY
At a political rally, Muthu was arrested. Why?
Because a lady journalist with a badge which read "PRESS" pinned on the right part of her blouse walked past him... and he did it!

Note from the Editor: The intention of this post is purely humour. The editor understands that some of the readers of this blog may come from cultures that are sensitive over potentially racial remarks, even if it is done in a spirit of humour. The editor would like to think that it is not so in Malaysia - most of us are able to laugh at the funny sides of our own races/cultures and those of other races/cultures. You won't get arrested for laughing.

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